What You Least Expected
Chapter 3. Finding Something to Live For
I wasted no time in dragging my way up to my childhood room, where I crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep praying that when I woke up, this would all have been a bad cream.
I hoped that when the morning came, Edward would have cooled down and given me a chance to explain.
I hoped that we would talk, that he would allow me the chance to explain. I thought that everything would be fine, but I was fooling myself. I never considered the truth.
The reality was that he walked out on me. He hadn't given me the chance to explain what had really happened. He hadn't trusted in me.
He didn't want to hear me say that Jacob had forced himself on me.
He didn't care that I was too weak to fight back when Jacob overpowered me.
He wouldn't hear me. He didn't care.
It was like everything meant nothing.
I hadn't wanted to believe that. I hadn't thought he was capable of just walking away from the life we made. I never knew he could just turn his back on me without giving me a chance to show him what was right in front of him.
Now, it didn't matter though, because he was gone.
.
.
I awoke to a steady thumping, a heavy pounding of what could only be described as a eager fist meeting wood, followed by the mechanical jiggling of a a door handle.
"Bella?" Charlie's worried voice came to me through the barrier. "Honey, are you in there?"
At first, I hadn't remembered where I was. Having had my face buried under a mound of pillows and blankets, when I'd first opened my eyes to darkness I'd been disoriented and confused.
It took all the strength I had left in my body to shift from my stomach to my back. When I got there, it felt like I had run a marathon. My chest heaved, rising and falling too quickly for a real rhythm to set in for comfortable breathing.
Without conscious thought, my hand lifted and fell limply to the place in the center of my chest where my heart beat an unsteady frantic rhythm.
Was I having a heart attack?
Everything seemed to dull my senses as the blood rushed through my body so quickly, the sound deafened.
Then, everything came rushing back. The one thing that could breaking through the noise in my head was one the sound of another voice. Familiar and steady. Motherly and nurturing.
"Bella, dear?" Esme's voice sounded scared. "Can you open the door for me sweetheart?"
I could feel the pain lace through me like fire. I'd hardly recognized the sound in the room. I hadn't known at the time, that the broken mewling had been coming from me.
Despite the pain and the panic, I was motionless. Trapped in a state somewhere between catatonia and awareness. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, it could have been days or years. I was motionless, trapped in a perpetual state of unaware.
I could hear Charlie cry out to me in alarm, but I couldn't respond.
Then, everything was silent for a while. I wasn't sure if I had blocked everything out, or if they had gone away, but the next thing I knew, there was a commotion.
In the close distance, the next sound to break through my subconscious was the distinct splintering of wood, the fracture of a barrier, the shattering of the only thing that had kept me safe from the reality of the outside world.
From the truth.
"Bella?" Esme's terrified voice filled the silence of the room.
Then, her face was above mine, hovering there like a Deity. Her halo of caramel hair, so different from his, yet the same, surrounded. Taking my face between her hands, she held my head with great care, like I was the most fragile piece of glass. Like he touched me. Like he held me when he used to love me.
A sob tore through me, shaking my body in it's wake.
"Charlie," she called softly to my father. "Can you take my cell phone and call Carlisle?" I felt one hand leave my face briefly before it was back.
"Balla?" She asked quietly.
My eyes focused on the ceiling above us as I swallowed reflectively.
"I know sweetheart," Esme soothed suddenly. "It's okay." She promised as she stroked the hair away from my face. "It's going to be fine."
"What's she saying?" Charlie's voice was suddenly close, filled with confusion and a fierce desperation.
Esme paused, the silence deafening in the room as she must have been carefully gauging my father. When the silence could stretch no longer, Esme murmured. "She just keeps saying, 'He's gone.'"
At the sound of the words falling from her lips, the weighted blanket holding me carefully still lifted and allowed me to curled into myself. With arms intertwined, I grasped the clothing above my heart in fists, twisting and pulling the material, clawing my way to the space in my chest that scorched like a thousand burning suns.
"Shh...shhh...shhh." Esme's focused turned back to me. I felt her hands back in my hair, her words soft and focused in my ear that promised everything was going to be all right, that we would sort everything out. "Oh sweetheart," The emotion in her voice broke me further.
"What happened Esme?" Charlie demanded in a tight voice.
"I don't know," She answered immediately. "When I came home from the Thriftway earlier, I saw Bella leaving." She started. "She passed me in the truck and I knew that something was wrong. By the time I made it into the house with my bags, I noticed Edward out in the backyard through my kitchen window and he looked very upset. When I went out to see what was wrong he wouldn't tell me. All he would say is that Bella ended their relationship."
"What?" Charlie's voice sounded confused.
"I know," Esme agreed. "It didn't make any sense to me either."
-WYLE-
"How long has she been like this?" Carlisle voice washed over me.
"I don't know." Charlie answered gruffly. "I didn't even realize she was here until Esme came over to ask me if I knew what happened." Charlie admitted. "I'm so used to her leaving the truck here and taking off with Edward-"
At the sound of his name rolling from Charlie's lips, I curl and clench into a ball for comfort.
No, not comfort, no. Comfort could never be achieved for me.
I grasp and pull and yank into tightness for protection.
For self preservation.
Esme is there, soft and motherly. Wrapped around me like she's holding me together as best she can. It isn't enough. I'm coming apart at the seams. Everything that used to hold me together is falling apart. Everything that I once was is lost.
I squeeze my eyes shut as the unease seeps into my heart and I drift.
A sea of subconsciousness consumes me. A silence that fills, deafens and pulls me into an abyss of solitude.
t I would never return more than a sisterly affection toward him.
There, I sit trapped in a nightmare that's so unreal. How did I come to this place?
I knew Jake harbored those feeling for me. However, I thought I knew that he knew that.
I didn't know how wrong I was.
What I didn't know is that he was hopeful that he could change my mind.
Hope could be a dangerous thing.
I should have never gone there.
I should have never put myself in a situation where I was alone with him like that.
It should have never have happened and I should have known Edward would only see it for what it wasn't.
I'd always brushed off his jealousy and worry. I'd always informed him that it was unjustified and uncouth of him to presume such a thing.
After all, why couldn't he trust me?
"It isn't you who I don't trust, Bella." His words came back to me from what felt like ages ago.
But wasn't that the lie? The truth being, he obviously hadn't trusted me. Not enough to stay, to hear my side and absorb the truth. Even as I screamed it in his face, he wouldn't see the truth.
He wouldn't have believed me even if I was tethered down by The Lasso of Truth.
The truth was, Jacob had attacked me. Not in the way one might have assumed...although his touch was unwanted and forceful, he did not hurt me...physically.
We'd spent the day out on the reservation catching up, Edward knew I'd be there and encouraged me to go and spend time with Jacob while we were in town. We'd been drifting apart since Edward and I had gone off to school together and I missed my best friend desperately.
Why did everything have to go so wrong?
We were happy. In love.
Why couldn't he just see the truth?
Why couldn't he let me explain?
-WYLE-
"She should sleep for a while now Charlie, when she wakes she'll be very groggy." Carlisle's voice came to my like a whisper in a dream.
"What the hell do I tell her when she wakes up?" I hear Charlie's voice demand.
"Calm down, Charlie. Please. This isn't helping." Esme pleas.
"Like hell, Esme. How would you have me react? Your son is breaking my little girls heart."
"Let us handle this, we'll find Edward and we'll sort all of this out. Please believe us." Esme implored.
I slipped away before I could hear Charlie's response.
-WYLE-
One week went by like a blink. I hardly realized the passing of time, having spent most of my day in bed sated by prescription medication. I was a zombie. Slipping somewhere between dream and reality. My chest was torn open in such a way, that wasn't sure how I could still be living through the pain.
I hadn't eaten much in the last few days. Only what my father had practically forced into me. I'd hardly been able to keep anything down. Even though a bowl of soup sat cold and untouched at my bed side, I could hardly smell it without getting sick. Everything I ate seemed to turn to ash in my mouth.
Every time I spoke, the words dies on my tongue before they could escape my mouth.
Everything hurt.
Nothing worked the way it once had.
My heart beat out a a constant frenzied rhythm. My breathing was labored at best, the weight that had settled over my heart had put a steady heavy pressure on my lungs, making it impossible to draw a steady deep breath.
I felt so lost.
-MoMH-
I blinked my eyes open to find the familiar sight of my childhood ceiling. If it hadn't been for the light throb in my bladder, I might have stayed sleeping. However, despite my lack of nourishment, my body still had needs.
Willing my limbs to work, I crawled out of bed slowly and forced myself to the little bathroom my father and I had once shared. With every step, I felt more weakened. By the time I reached the hall, I needed to stop and take a breath.
That's when I heard it.
"That's bullshit and you know it!" Charlie sounded outraged. "Is he back in California?"
It was silent before I heard Charlie's thunderous voice again.
"I am being serious, Billy. I'm the fucking Chief of police here! If you don't tell me where he is, I'll consider you an accomplice to the crime!"
I wasn't surprised to hear that Jacob had already left town by the time my dad made it down to the reservation. He'd obviously heeded my warning. Charlie however, made it perfectly clear to Billy what his intentions were if his son ever showed his face in Forks again. I knew they were old friends, so it surprised me when I'd heard my father on the phone. I'd never heard him so angry.
"Don't you put this on Bella!" Charlie roared.
It was quiet a moment before he snarled."I'm not buying that." His voice was cold and angry. "Bella's made it perfectly clear all along that she and Jake were just friends... I know my daughter and if she says-" he was cut off mid sentence, and when he answered again he was almost shouting. "What do you mean I don't know my daughter as well as I think I do!"
There was another long pause before he spoke again, so low and menacing it frightened me. "I'm looking for answers too, Billy. And you can bet your ass that after I saw Bella, her story matches up. Jacob will answer to me one way or another."
Whatever Billy had said in response to my father had really pushed him over the edge, because the next thing I knew, he was swearing and shouting like never before.
"Bella being my daughter doesn't change the circumstances. You're son assaulted a woman. Don't think that throwing that little fact in my face changes a fucking thing. If you don't cooperate, I'll haul your ass in for aiding and abetting."
"Like hell I can't. How about I come and pick you up, Billy. You can come over here and see for yourself the damage this has had on Bella. Edward left her. Not even his own parents can find where he is. How do you think that makes me feel, knowing Jacob caused all of this? My little girl is a mess!"
I hadn't even realized I was crying until I felt the tickle of it trailing down my cheeks. I staggered back against the door frame as if I'd been struck.
"You're my friend Billy, but this is hurting my family." Charlie sounded so lost and broken.
Another pause went by for an eternity as Billy replied to Charlie.
"You've got that dead right." The rage came back to his voice in full swing. "If that boy sets' one toe out of line and I'm going to know about it. I'll be keeping a close eye on him, you can be sure of that." It was disturbing to listen to, hearing Charlie go from menacing father to Chief Swan. Honestly, I wasn't sure who had been more terrifying.
"Yeah? Well, you do that." Charlie growled. "I have no problem taking on the elders. I think they'll agree with me on this one! You go ahead and do that.
"Fine. Yeah. Goodbye." The phone in the kitchen slammed forcefully into the cradle, making me jump.
My stomach tightened with nausea as I wrapped my arms around my torso to hold myself together.
So Billy was going to blame this on me. I'd been leading Jacob on for years and finally he'd had enough and acted on my exuberant flirting.
It surprised me that Billy would stoop so low as to claim that I had asked for Jacob to assault me the way he did.
Everyone seemed to think it was me who led him on and got what she dissevered.
Maybe they were right.
I felt the bile heave into my throat. Somehow, I made it to the bathroom in time to throw up practically nothing. That didn't stop me from dry heaving myself to exhaustion.
I'm not sure how long I'd been there on the floor of the bathroom, but when Charlie found me he was more than shaken.
"Bella! Honey, can you hear me?" I felt his hands on my face, the gentle shake he was administering to my body.
"Dad?" I blinked my eyes open groggily.
"Oh! Bella, thank God." I felt his arms cradle me tightly. "Are you okay? Did you hit your head?"
"I don't think so," I blinked up at him.
He studied me for a long moment before scooping me up in his arms and carrying me back to my bed. As he put me down, he kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back affectionately.
"I love you, Bella." He whispered softly before pulling away. "Everything will be okay, honey. We'll figure all of this out."
"Dad, I'm sorry." I whimpered.
"What? For what, honey?" Charlie seemed shocked by my outburst. "None of this was your fault Bella. What Jake did to you...there is no excuse for it Bella."
"It's my fault though, I shouldn't have gone there. I knew that he used to have feeling for me, I just hadn't realized he still held onto them." I looked up at my father through my tears and stared at his face. "Dad, what have I done?" I whimpered.
Charlie's face morphed from sorrow to anger.
"You've done nothing wrong."
"But, maybe I was leading him on?" My voice shook. "I thought we were friends, but I knew he used to want more. I never should have continued our friendship. Now, look what's happened, and it's because of me!" Emotion overwhelmed me as I fought for breath.
"Honey," Charlie sighed as he pulled me into his arms. "You can't control what other people do. You did nothing wrong." He stroked my back and held me tightly.
"But-"
"Bella. You did nothing wrong."
I sobbed in his arms until sleep claimed me once again.
-MoMH-
Three weeks later-
Popping the door open on my old beaten down Chevy, I exited the cab and closed the door. I wasn't quick enough in my movements to miss the reflection of rainbows splayed across the door.
I driven here in such a fog, I practically forgotten about the crystal heart that hung from the rear view mirror. It had been a gift from him, a symbol of love.
A deep chill made its way up my spine and crystallized my already raw, frozen heart. I reached for the symbol of affection, at first to rip the reminder from my vehicle, but only to have my hand freeze at mid touch. My finger tips burned and my eyes stung with violent unshed tears.
I couldn't touch his heart, even though he'd not only touched mine from the very beginning, but reached into my chest in the end, and crushed it.
A broken sob escaped my lips. As if I'd been touched by an electrified cattle prod, I snapped my arm back and practically fell from the truck, slamming the door as I went.
I turned a quick heel, took a deep breath, and made my way toward my destination. All the while, willing my unshed tears to stay that way. I didn't want to cry tonight.
I hadn't wanted to go to the Jack and Jill. However, not going would have been a hurtful injustice to my dear friends. So I squared my shoulders, took another cleansing breath and pushed through the main hall doors of The Lodge.
I was greeted with silence. The kind of comical silence you might find in a movie...and I could have sworn I'd heard crickets as I stepped inside fully.
"Bella," Angela grinned, a happy but worried smile stretch across her face as she pushed through the crowd quickly. "I'm so pleased you could make it." Enveloping me in a warm hug, she held me tightly to her frame and gently rocked us back and forth for a moment.
"I'm glad to be here." I told her sincerely. "Thank you for thinking of me." We pulled back from each other and I smiled at her. "Congratulations,"
"Bella," Ben was suddenly there, greeting me warmly.
If I hand't chosen to ignore the concerned look he shot Angela, I might have rushed from the room.
Ben's eyes locked on my face for a moment before something shifted between us. Suddenly, his arms were open to me, inviting me in for a hug.
I went to him eagerly, giving him my best smile despite the awful way I felt. As he embraced me, the room regained its composure, to my surprise. Almost as if on cue, the murmuring picked up and soft noise filled the room.
"Thanks for coming." Ben held me, squeezing gently before he let go and laid a soft kiss on my cheek. "It's great to see you."
"It's great to see you too." I turned to Angela and did my best to smile. "Let me see?" I held my hand out for hers.
Hesitantly, she slipped her left hand into mine and I couldn't help the smile and tears that welled up in my eyes. Looking down at the third finger of one of my best friends' left hand, it hit me like a wreaking ball. The solitaire was radiant; dainty and fine, it held an air of timeless elegance against Angela's skin. "It's beautiful," I told her, pulling her into my arms. I tried to banish the vision of Edward hurling what should have been now on my finger into the woods.
I squeezed Angela tightly and pinched the light from my eyes as hard as I could. I would not cry.
"I'm so happy for you," I mumbled into her sweet smelling hair.
"Bella," Angela's arms tightened around my waist and I returned the squeeze.
Blowing out a shaky breath, I tried to laugh off my discomfort as we broke apart. "I need a drink," I said as brightly as I could. Turning my attention to Ben I smiled softly and told him the only thing I could hope for Angela, or any one of my good friends. "Be good to her."
Ben's face fell ever so slightly, before he stepped forward and took me in his arms again. "I will." He promised holding me tightly.
"I know." I replied, because I knew that he truly would.
Before I could let emotion overcome me, I slipped away from the happy couple.
Making my way to the bar wasn't as easy as I thought it might be. Practically every person who lived in town was at Angela and Ben's celebration. I certainly shouldn't have been surprised by the looks I was getting, with the small town gossip and the way Edward had left, there wasn't anyone who hadn't heard about they way things had went or my current emotional state.
I held my head high though.
"Hi," I approached the bartender and ordered. "Gray Goose, double, straight up." I told him.
He reached for the lean bottle and poured me my double. Placing the shot on the bar in front of me, I quickly picked up the shot and fired it down. I tiny shudder rippled through my body as I set the shot glass back down on the bar. "Another," I told him as he stared at me in what seemed like wonder.
After a few more drinks I was all warm and fuzzy. I was surprised at how the alcohol swimming in my blood had kept a steady hand on my emotions. I chatted drunkenly with a few people who were adventurous enough to engage me in conversation.
It was later in the night and the crowd of people had dispersed greatly. There were only a few party goers left, a few friends that were home for the summer from graduate school.
We sat at large round table, among us were a group of people I faintly recognized as the under class students of my senior year of high school. Two guys were good friends with Ben still and another girl that worked with Angela on the school paper. I wasn't surprised to see Mike Newton, he'd just got done telling me that he moved back-after graduating with honors in business management from Washington State. I think he thought he was adding the information suavely. He filled my head with stories about how he'd come back to this town to take over his family's business, his plans to expand it through the Olympic Peninsula.
It was good to see him, although not as good as he was hoping.
I kept drinking and he kept talking.
"What ever happened with you and Cullen?" Mike blurted out at one point. "I thought you guys would've been married with a house full of kids by now."
He meant it to be a joke and it wasn't his fault. He hadn't know anything.
The room was suddenly so quiet.
Then he saw my face, Angela noticed too.
"Bella," Angela coaxed. "Would you like to walk out with me and get a little fresh air?" She asked sympathetically. "It's really hot in here."
I nodded mechanically and slowly rose to my feet. Pulling my arm through hers, she led us outside.
"Did I say something wrong?" Mike was on his feet beside me looking concerned. "I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean anything by it."
"It's okay Mike, you couldn't have known." I tried to smile, but the vodka was wearing off.
"Bella, I-"
"Really," I touched his cheek lightly with my finger tips. "It's okay."
Angela, sensing my impending meltdown, quickly tugged me from the room.
Once we were outside, she pulled me into a fierce hug.
"Are you okay?" she asked hesitantly, still holding me to her.
I nodded sharply, unable to move, unable to speak.
"Oh, Bella." I could hear the emotion in Angela's voice that threatened to escape. I knew she was trying to be strong for me. She was a good friend.
"I'm sorry," I told her lamely as my tears started to fall. "This is your party and I'm dragging it down."
"Oh, no, Bella! I'm so glad that you came. It's been so long since I've seen you...I'm so happy to have you here."
"I'm glad to be here too." I croaked.
Angela pulled me harder into her arms and I heard her sniffle. "You're dad's been coming down to the church to talk with my dad." She told me.
"I don't want to pry, Bella, and I'm so sorry...but if you need anything, if you want someone to talk to, even if it's at the church..." she stammered. "What I'm trying to say is, me or my dad, whoever your more comfortable with-we're here for you, if you want someone to talk to."
I remembered my dad mentioned a few months ago that Angela had plans to following in her father's footsteps as a Lutheran pastor. It must have been nice to have your life on track, to know what you wanted in life and where you were going...who you were going there with.
"Thank you." I whispered as I chocked on a sob.
"What happened Bella?" Angela asked softly after I was quiet for a long moment.
"I don't know." I wrung my hands together as I fought for the words to explain. "We were so happy." My voice cracked. "He told me he was going to propose."
"He did?" Angela's eyes went wide.
I nodded as tears started streaming down my face.
"He thinks I was cheating on him with Jacob."
"Why would be assume something like that?" Angela stared at me in confusion. "Anyone with eyes knew that you're head over heals for that boy. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so in love."
At Angela's depiction of our love, I broke down.
"Bella," She sighed and wrapped her arms around me.
"Jacob was in town a few weeks ago visiting from California. I went down to first beach to hang out with him while Edward had one of his classes in Seattle. Jake and I got into a fight, and he kissed me. I couldn't stop him...I...I couldn't get him off me." My voice croaked. "So I gave up and stood there, praying he would stop long enough that I could get away. Edward came down to the beach to surprise me and he saw...he saw the kiss, but not what happened after."
"What happened after?" Angela held my hands tightly.
"I hit him."
"Did you tell Edward this?"
"I tried. He wouldn't let me explain. He was so set on the idea that I cheated on him and had been for a long time."
"Wow." Angela shook her head. "That's crazy. He must have been really upset. I mean, I can understand misunderstanding, but to just walk away from you without letting you explain...that's really screwed up."
"It's not his fault."
"Who's is it then? Because seriously Bella, you were attacked. That's not your fault and it's certainly isn't a reason for Edward to turn his back on you."
"He didn't know I was attacked."
"He could have given you a change to explain. I never though Edward was such a coward."
"Ang," Tears pooled to the corners of my eyes. "He was upset. It's not his fault."
We were quiet then, me crying silent tears, her comforting me as best she could.
"Is it true his parents can't find him."
I nodded, not able to trust my voice for fear that the truth of the words would be like a final nail in my coffin. I couldn't say it out loud because if I did, it would be true.
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I'll move on, I'll be okay."
"Really?" She pulled back to stare at me. "Because you don't look okay Bella. I knew that you've been upset, but I didn't realize how upset. Have you even eaten anything in the last few weeks?"
"I'm eating enough."
She cocked an eyebrow at me in response as if she were challenging me.
"I eat what'll stay down." I don't elaborate.
She looked like she wanted to argue with me, but she held her tongue. She squeezed me tighter.
"You know that I'll alway be here for you Bella. You can tell me anything."
I nodded, unable to trust me voice.
Just then we heard a loud crash, followed by bouts of drunken laughter come from inside.
"Oh, boy." Angela huffed. "I better go make sure that wasn't Ben." She laughed. "I'll kill him if he gets a black eye before the wedding."
"Go head back inside," I laughed with her, shaking my head. "I'm going to stay out for a few more minutes and calm down."
"Okay," she smiled, rolling her eyes when a loud, "Damn Cheney, does Angela know you can do that?" echoed outside. We both started laughing when Ben answered, "Dude, who do you think taught me that!"
"Oh, shoot." She muttered, slapping a hand over her face. "Please tell me they are talking about sex position with my Dad in there...he still thinks I'm pure."
A cackle of laughter bubbled up through my tears. I hadn't realized how good it felt to laugh, it had been so long.
I watch as Angela bolted through the doors of The Lodge to disband the current conversation.
I was quiet in the dusty parking lot. I figured that it must have been just after midnight, maybe later. I'd almost forgotten how scarce Forks could be. The small sleepy town that it was. I was exhausted, and as much as I loved seeing everyone from my past, I think I'd had enough. I knew when I went home I wouldn't sleep, but I'd rather break down again in the privacy of my own room. I didn't need anyone seeing me like this, an emotional yo-yo.
I was about to stand up and go back in to say goodbye to everyone, when I felt the air shift around me and a presence I hadn't felt in weeks tingled the hair on the back of my neck. It froze me to a halt mid step.
"Bella?" Jacob's voice floated hesitantly to me.
I spun in my spot and came face to face with a remorseful Jacob. He looked terrible, as he got closer I could see the deep purple circles under his eyes.
"Can we talk?" he asked hesitantly. His hands were up, palms facing me as he took steps toward me like he was surrendering...or trying to prove to me he had no intention of hurting me.
I didn't buy it.
"What do you want?" I hissed, taking several steps back as he came closer.
"God, Bella, I'm so fucking sorry..." Jacob's body shook visibly. "I wasn't thinking...I thought..."
Then, like a tidal wave, it all hit me.
"You thought what!" I snapped. "That you could convince me it was finally your turn?" I was shouting now.
"Bella, no! I-God...please, I'm so sorry." A lone tear leaked from the corner of his eye as he kept slowly walking to me.
"You get away from me." I warned. "I swear to God, if you come near me again I'm going to kill you!" Tears started falling down my cheeks.
"Please Bella," He choked.
"Look at me." I chocked, spreading my arms out so he could get a good eyeful of how broken I was. "Are you happy Jacob? Congratulation, you succeeded! He's gone!" My tears began to fall harder and my entire frame shook. "He's gone!" I screamed as the realization that Edward really had left me and was never coming back, finally sank in.
"Bella, please..." Jacob began walking toward me swiftly.
hand back and with all the force I had, I snapped my fist back and sank my knuckles deep into his face.In that moment something came over me, completely taking over. My legs moved forward on their own accord and I was suddenly sprinting at him. Only this time, I was sure he hadn't mistaken my intentions. He stopped in his tracks and let his hands fall to his side just as I reached him. I drew my fist back and sank my hand deeply into his face.
"YOU DID THIS!" I shrieked hoarsely. "YOU MADE HIM LEAVE!" My fists continued their assault, smacking the broad expansion of his tone chest and every other part of him my fists and hands could find contact with.
"Bella, I'm sorry-" Jacob choked, not even bothering to restrain me as I unleashed every ounce of pent up aggression and hurt against him.
"I HATE YOU!" I screamed, pounding my fists into him, my head lashed back and forth as tears flowed down my face. My vision blurred and my head spun."I HATE YOU!"
"I can fix it." Jacob promised, chocking on a sob of his own. "I promise I'll fix it."
"LIAR!" my voice cracked as I began to sob harder. "YOU MADE HIM LEAVE ME!" I screamed hysterically. "WHY! WHY?" I hiccuped, my entire body shaking as I plead for him to answer me.
"Bella?" Angela's concerned, horrified voice came from behind me. "What the hell?"
"I'm sorry Bella." Jacob tried to wrap his arms around me in comfort. "I'm sorry."
I started to push him away, but as saved by a pair of strong arms. With careful gentleness, they wrapped around my chest and arms to restrain me, before picking me up and pivoted me to face Angela. She immediately grabbed for me and I fell into her arms sobbing and gagging on the bile that had risen up my throat.
"Sh..." she hushed, pulling me tightly into her chest and rubbing my back. "I've got you." She promised softly. "I've got you Bella, it's okay."
It was too much. Everything bubbled up in me and suddenly I couldn't contain the anguish that had been festering inside. I barely broke away from her before throwing up all over the ground next to her feet. Bile and vodka splashed the pavement in waves as the emotion flooded my senses.
"Holy fuck!" I heard what sounded like Mike's voice.
"Get him outta' here!" Angela shouted in a broken hiss.
"I think you need to leave Jacob." Ben stated firmly from behind me. "Haven't you done enough?"
"Please," Jacob's voice cracked. "I just need to talk to Bella, I need to fix this."
Angela was suddenly on her feet.
"You wanna fix this?" She hissed, poking a finger into his chest. "How about you start by finding Edward and telling him the truth!"
"Ang," Ben grasped her arm and held her back.
"No, how dare he Benjamin." Angela turned a lethal voice on her fiancée before turning back to Jake. "How dare you come here and confront her like this! Haven't you put her through enough?" She demanded.
"I'm just trying to help! I want to make it right." He pleaded.
"You should be ashamed of yourself!" Angela hissed. "You wouldn't have to fix it if you hadn't forced yourself on her!"
"He what?" Ben turned to Jake incredulously. "That's why Cullen left her?"
"I love her!" Jake cried. "Cullen's kept her all to himself for years! He's the reason we haven't been friends!"
"You're a liar!" I screamed. "I stopped coming to La Push because I didn't want to lose our friendship! I'm in love with Edward. I love him and you made him think that I-" MY voice cut off as more emotion engulfed me. "He thinks I've been cheating on him with you!"
"Dude." Suddenly Mike was standing in front of me, blocking my view to Jacob. "Is that true?"
"That's not how it was supposed to happen!" Jacob cried. "I just wanted her to see she had more options! She's been so fixed on Cullen, I owed it to her to show her there's more to life than him!" He screamed. "I'm sorry Bella. I thought I could make you see that you had feelings for me, I guess I was wrong."
"Wow. You're out of your mind." Mike muttered softly.
"I'm in love." Jacob corrected.
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